Let go and Let God...

September 30, 2011

Grief is like the ocean. It’s deep and dark and bigger than all of us. And pain is like a thief in the night. Quiet. Persistent. Unfair. Diminished by time and faith and love.

This quote pretty much sums up everything. I am not super depressed or anything. But anyone who lives in today’s world knows that life sucks sometimes - for everyone. This quote just says everything that these two words mean, in 2 simple sentances. Pain can conquer anything… time, faith, love… ANYTHING. It’s learning to be stronger than grief, stronger than pain. It’s learning to have faith in something that we can’t see but can only believe in; such an intense trust in a God that we have never seen, only heard about.
It’s hard for me to understand sometimes how so many people I know can seem to have so much faith in God. I don’t know they get there but I am hoping and praying that one day I can be there too. I think a lot of it has to do with humility and actually being willing to let go of my pride and be willing to hand everything over to God. I know though that for me, there is no turning back. My relationship with God… it’s only going to get stronger from here on out, no matter how much grief and pain life brings.

September 26, 2011

This past summer I had the great blessing of being able to spend my time at a camp a few hours away from home. Everything there was about the kids! Looking at it from a worldly point of view it was the worst job anyone could offer: working 18 hours a day, getting paid not even a dollar an hour, taking care of kids even when they were throwing up  all night, staying up with the kids who couldn’t sleep, and just doing things that we didn’t want to do no matter what (if it was to benefit the kids). But this summer also: brought me so much closer to God, taught me to be less selfish and more selfless, gave me the opportunity to pray with teens and even kids who were giving their lives to God, and it gave me a new family! The team at PHOC went through hell and back together during our 3 training weeks. We learned each others weaknesses and strengths, we heard everyone’s testimonies and we got to know each other better than we know our best friends. There were 17 of us who will always be united no matter where life leads us. The 3 months that we spent together felt like a life time. This summer really helped me to face my weaknesses head on and try to better them. Coming away from the summer I am so much closer to God, so much more in tune with His will for me, and definitely trying to keep Him as number one on my list of priorities. Right now, I don’t know what God’s will is for me but I am praying about it every day. I love working with and for kids and I hate injustices that they may go through so I am thinking that somehow, one day I will be working with or for innocent, beautiful children. BUT we will see what God wants!